Grief, Marriage, creativity, and Thich Nhat Hahn...

I am keenly aware that I haven't posted anything to this blog in a long time, believe me.  My art studio has recently been dusted and all the crap that I piled onto my work desk for months has been removed to reveal the emptiness underneath it, which brought up a surprising little feeling of sadness in me. I took a some time to care for this little sadness and avoided my impulse to analyze it.

In March my cousin Holly died. I grew up with Holly and loved her deeply. I know that grief is different for everyone, and I was surprised that mine impacted my creativity. It felt like my creativity dropped below the current of grief, and I couldn't access it. I was scared about this, and I also had to trust in the wiser part of me who trusted the process.  I still think about her every day. And as my creativity begins to re-emerge I feel connected to her.

In July my partner of nearly 8 years and I were married. It was an amazing experience and one that I only want to have once. Once was enough. It took a tremendous amount of work and energy not just from us but from our families, our friends, and all the other people that helped us. Because I am a child of divorce it also took an immense psychic and spiritual effort to get there, kind of like pushing throughout the birth canal. I was and am still surprised by the level of intensity and beauty that we experienced tying the knot, and to be perfectly honest I still don't feel back on my feet. I am still skating on blades and kind of wobbling a lot.

A few weeks ago I had the wonderful experience of going on retreat with Thich Nhat Hahn and his monastic community. This is an experience I would encourage anyone to have. They tour the U.S. every two years. Thich Nhat Hanh in a Buddhist monk from Vietnam, he's 85 years old, and he is one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever seen. The retreat was in Estes Park Colorado.  Way up in the rocky mountains where the atmosphere is thin we (900 of us) practiced walking slowly, sitting quietly, eating without hurrying, and being kind to ourselves. We spent five days there. I left with a deep sense of gratitude for being alive.

At the retreat I found my self sketching again, which was very exciting for me. I drew pictures of monks and nuns, and trees and leaves. I returned home with a stronger connection to my creativity than I had felt since my cousin's death. It has been a while since I felt curiosity around the art that lives inside me. I am happy to announce that I am working on a piece currently. It involves a Mary Poppins style of flying and a sense of trust. I hope to share it here next week, so stay posted.